i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
