my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
