Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
