4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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