Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
