Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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