Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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