i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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