They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
