He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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