kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
