my sisters under your porch take her home
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
