Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
