But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
