I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
