WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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