last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
