you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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