you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
