You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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