Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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