apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have tasted many bathrooms
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
