hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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