i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
