Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
