I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
