What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
