youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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