we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
