the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
