today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
