i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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