Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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