So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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