My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
