I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
