i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
