smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
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