i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
