No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
