Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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