Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
