I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish I only lived at night.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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