not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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