it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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