Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
