I just cut my nipple shaving
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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