shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
