all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
