You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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